Dating an Escort
This is my experience dating an escort, a wonderful woman whose chosen profession is working as a full-time sex worker/sex professional. I have had some acquaintances ask me recently how it is that our relationship works, or they are having issues with their partner’s response to their career and have asked me for ideas so I thought I would write about my experience.
Let’s start at the beginning
Let me set the scene for you… The sun had not long risen and then I hear the iconic “I need to tell you something”, this, of course, is what every gal wants to hear early on in a relationship. I prepared myself for something dramatic and profound ”okay…what is it?”.
“It’s about my job” interesting, my head started buzzing. I had previously started to wonder how, with working a small number of hours a week she was able to live in the place that she did, so at that moment my logical brain assumed that it must have been to do with the parlour upstairs at her work. I waited, I could see she was building up to something.
“I’m an escort” she blurted out. With the truth confirmed I lay there for a moment longer (oh yeah, forgot to mention we were in bed, no funny business though!). Silence, just for a moment as I realised my assumption was correct, my brain working through feelings and thoughts at a million miles per hour.
Secretly I was happy that my secret squirrel brain had worked it out before this moment occurred, but the processing of the truth took a few moments.
I didn’t move, I didn’t break from the cuddle we were in, she must have been expecting a worse reaction as she said, “you’re still here, you’re not moving away, my response was simple… “why would I?”. I had no issue with the adult industry, I’ve seen more than my fair share of porn and had a couple of dates with a wonderful woman who worked as a stripper. Oh, and I met the smart, intelligent, sexy woman I now lay next to in the bathroom of a strip club (super romantic, I know).
After gloating a bit that I had already started to figure things out, my next question was “is it in the upstairs parlour?” Known for its somewhat seedy nature I really hoped that it didn’t, and it didn’t! A sigh of relief followed.
I could see she was relaxed now more than ever and I wondered how long it had been eating away at her, it didn’t matter now, now we could move forward.
Down Scorpio down!
Needless to say, we had many conversations, I had to understand why she was working as a sex worker and how she felt about it. It really helped to have these conversations. I, of course, being the jealous Scorpio type had a bit to wrap my head around. In theory, I knew it was only a job, she had clients, she worked, then came home. We had to set rules, more like guidelines, to help me sort out my thoughts.
In the beginning I didn’t want to know when she was working with a client, I thought this would be okay, a sort of don’t ask don’t get jealous type of thing, it didn’t last for long as I found myself thinking about her and her safety the whole time so we amended the goal posts… let me know when you are working and finishing but don’t tell me about the booking.
This didn’t work either as I would know when she was working and would find myself feeling jealous of what was potentially occurring. But this was my issue, rationally I understood everything, she had laid everything out on the table if I wanted this to work and I did, I had to get over myself, she was with me she had chosen me and I was the better for it.
Time works wonders
It took some time and I’m not sure when or how it changed, it just did. Her Madam even had coffee with me as she wanted to make sure I understood what the job entailed and what it would be like dating an escort, it was a casual chat and yet more questions were answered.
The goal posts have moved so far out now I can’t even see them. I help her out where I can, cleaning, confirming bookings if she’s busy, being security if I’m needed, travelling with her and hopefully making her job easier.
How do you deal?
My friends, who are aware of her job have asked me, “how do you deal with dating an escort?” I say that’s an easy one, her job is just her job it doesn’t define who she is, she enjoys it and if she is happy and safe then I’m all for it. She has asked me a couple of times over the years we have been together if I would ever expect her to stop and my answer is always the same “It’s up to you, it’s not my decision to make”.
I love being involved in this industry, she has opened my eyes to so much. Being able to become more involved with the community that I am now so passionate about feels amazing.
A few hints…
If my experience has allowed me to pass on a few hints of wisdom regarding dating an escort, I would say the following:
- It’s their choice, not yours, if you don’t like it or can’t find a way forwards then you need to make a decision not them.
- Listen! Talk! And listen some more. The more you know about their work the easier it is to understand and to know what they need from you as their partner.
- They come home to you. They have made their choice about who they want to be with, realise this you lucky sod.
- Set some ground rules that make you both feel safe and happy, communication is key in any relationship.
- While it may not be seen as your mainstream type of job – by societies ‘normative rules’, open your mind to everything, your heart will thank you for it!
Do you have anything you want to add? Anything that has helped you in your relationship? Or better yet do you have any ‘interesting’ stories to share?
Don’t be shy… relationships are all about communication
If you would like to read more about the experiences from an escorts point of view check out this piece from vice.com
Or, get more hints and tips about dating an escort from this blog on Melmagazine.com